aah, st. valentine....

"Valentine's Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap"
--Joel Barrish, Eternal Sunshin of the Spotless Mind--

hehe i love that quote. it's not true in my case but....it is true in many others. poor little things.
it's kind of ironic how situations change. life changes. when i turned 15 i wanted nothing more than to be 16 so that i could date. when i turned 16, i wanted nothing more than to be a little girl again. still believing in that fairy tale. yes, i got the fairy tale w/ my savior. but with my earthly love story....i guess i'm still hoping. i'm still trying to believe. it's so much harder being older and knowing so much more. at the moment, i'm terrified. i'm terrified to start a relationship. at 16 i have so much more of my life ahead of me (being in God's plan, that is). i don't want to give myself or my emotions to the wrong guy, i don't want to get hurt. a year ago today i was kissed by a boy for the first time. to have your first kiss on valentine's day is something alot of girls would probably hope for....but for me, it was different. i mean, of course i wanted it. (foolish desires of a young girl's heart, right?) but when it happened....i focused not on the kiss itself. i was so distracted by so many other things.....what will this person think, what will that person say, what if i'm bad at it, what if he's comparing me to someone else, what if i regret this later....i was so self-conscious. and still am. i've come to the conclusion, however, that i needn't worry about it. and i've for the most part stopped worrying. i know i'll fall in love and i know that he will love me more than his own life. i know that he will love Christ with all of his heart and soul....and will love me almost as much. because that's what i want. and i know that that is what Christ has planned for me. whoever it might be. but until then....i will remain single....and love it. so anyway....these are my thoughts. i type them and you read them.