He always understood

The sun turned black today. The rain started to fall. They were sitting on his bed when everything changed. She wasn't prepared for what he told her. Still isn't. She knew she'd be walking home alone that night. The wind was hard and the rain was cold. it stung sharply on her skin. Mixed with her tears. One foot in front of the other - such an easy concept yet so hard to fathom on what seemed to be the longest journey home that she'd ever endured. One single thought with so many different aspects. The warmth of her breath created rythmic clouds of fog which slowly faded, only to reappear. He was haunting her. She could see him. Everywhere she looked. She could feel him. In the raindrops he loves so much. She looked up and saw him. In the middle of the road, walking straight toward her. She ran to him, weeping and threw her arms around him. Then pushed him away and slapped him across the face...
"What we were I can't have back. I wish so badly that I could. I never thought things could be so different. Never knew I could miss someone so much. I'd get mad. Sometimes you'd make me feel expendable. That wasn't long before everything changed. You changed. But I don't think it was you that changed. It was your actions. You stopped acting the way you knew everyone else wanted you to. I want to hate you so bad sometimes. Did you know that? Because everything was a lie. and I let myself believe it. I knew it was. Sometimes I even knew that I knew. I just wanted so badly for it to be true that I believed it. I hate myself too, you know. Blame myself. I feel like Ender Wiggin. I won't explain but just as well, I despise myself for it. For all of it. For everything. Why weren't you just honest with me? You didn't have to be fake for me. Was it because you knew I'd never love someone who didn't also love Him? Was that it? Or were you just trying to make me and everyone else happy? ...Or possibly even trying to make yourself happy as well. By believing the same lie you were telling me. You know, I never had to think when I was around you. I could always just....be. No matter what. I could talk to you for hours. About anything. Everything. Nothing. I wrote a song, you know. For you. To you. About you. About you and me. About us. The us that once was. The us we'll never be. The us we are now. It's not finished yet. Not yet. I just don't know how to end it. Don't know how to end it so I started another. I drive myself crazy wishing I could avoid the inevitable...and knowing that I can't. It's not the first time you've hurt me. and I'm almost sure not the first time reversed. That day by the lake, I was so numb to everything. The night before, I cried myself to sleep, but that day...I think I decided when I got in my car that I wasn't going to let myself cry about it anymore. I've since failed myself miserably. I think I decided I wasn't going to let anything you said that day hurt. Because I was tired of hurting. and It worked, for the moment. I wasn't surprised. But I also wasn't really phased. By anything you said. When normally, I would've been. Some of it now hurts. Makes me mad. I get so mad at you. Why do you have to be the way you are sometimes? I hate it, you know. and I hate the way I feel when I'm around you. Every time I want to cry. and Don't always resist. Why can't that just go away? Why can the way you feel not just go away? I've wished so many times that things could go back to the way they were. and Then I stop and wonder what that even means..."
Her dialouge was long, emptied between sobs and may not have made sense. But he understood. He always understood.

I didn't mean to leave you hanging on.
I didn't mean to leave you all alone.
I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know what to say.